Vacation
by Fire0770
Summary: All Yylfordt wanted was to see his brother, Szayel's, awesome high-Tec place. Unfortunately, his brother - in his mind, at least - is one of the biggest jerks in existence. His insatiable curiosity gets him thrown out of a window and into the cold desert of Hueco Mundo. Meanwhile, Yammy is sent on vacation to the Human World by Aizen and keeps Ulquiorra updated.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This a collaboration story between me and Aceidia.**

Dearest, kind and very sweet little brother whom I love,

How have you been? I mean, like what have you been up to more like. I mean, you've got that awesome new place. (That I don't have), and I am on vacation here in the middle of Heuco Mundo. Camping more like, because you tossed me out a window… My broken ribs are fine and at least there are plenty of other hollows to eat.

You should try some. They taste like marshmallows, but with sand. Lots of it.

I'll bring you back some. Hopefully you got some with this letter.

I am really glad you have that nice place I can see from my little tent. It must be really cozy and nice and I would love to see it sometime. (Like soon. 'Cause it's frickin' cold out here at night. How you could be so cruel, I don't know.) Disregard that last sentence. You're great. Smart and have my good looks. (And still have more luck with the ladies than I. Why?! You're a creep!)

Anyhow, brother dear, I would love if it if you opened your window and tossed me a pair of googles. (Too much sand!)

I hope you are doing well. (In your castle you won't let me in and have taken to etching 'Stay Out Yylfordt - or Else' on the door. And if you don't let me in soon, I'm gonna scream! I hear from Grimmjow, you even have a soda machine! Wow!) Anyhow… Congrats on your promotion, (And that stupid number eight you have tattooed somewhere. (Your butt?) It's my least favorite number in the whole wide world!)

I must try and start a fire here, so I must bid you farewell for now, my dearest brother.

Bye,

Yylfordz Grantz

(Your older and very nice brother you tossed out the window like trash!)

P.s. I really hate your guts. (Or should I say, gutz? Idk.)


	2. Chapter 2

dear ulqiora,

its mi furst day at ve resort. i fownd vis smal bilding ful of weerd stuf. ill send u som, bcus it loked funi.

itll b wiv ve leter, so no need to wory abowt serching for it.

so mani anoying humans. geting angry,

yami


	3. Chapter 3

Szayel,

It has been two whole days with no letter back!

You are being a jerk and a horrible little brother. Wait until I write our parents! Mum's gonna know everything and you're getting timeout!

Mwahahahahaaa!

- Yyfordt


	4. Chapter 4

Yylfordt,

...you're going to tell our mother on me?

...

Do you realise she's probably been eaten by now? It was likely you, because my research into lower level hollow behaviour has revealed that hollows with diminutive amounts of intelligence are 76% more likely to devour their own family members.

Your... brother...

Szayel


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Yammy,

...

...why is my room filled with hundreds upon hundreds of inflatable orange-and-white fish?

Ulquiorra Schiffer

P.S: Honestly, Yammy. Your spelling is atrocious.


	6. Chapter 6

Szayel,

I am your brother! Obey me!

What is Diminutive? As for mum, it was SO your fault! I only tasted her hand! You're evil, blaming it all on me! Well, if I can't tell Mum what you've been up to in your secret palace where you have like five hundred T.v.s and big couches with lounging girls and... I cannot bear to think about it!

So, I'm gonna write our Cusion, Fred on you and he'll whip your butt into shape. And don't think I'm not gonna mention that tattoo on your butt.

Heh,

Yyfordt


	7. Chapter 7

Yammy,

I am glad that your trip is well. However I must insist that you improve your spelling for it makes my eyes bleed to read your sloppily written postcards.

As for the orange fish, I gave them to Aaroniero for his bathtub and I wish not to drown in any more trinkets.

- Ulquiorra Schiffer


	8. Chapter 8

Yylfordt,

You dolt. I am a higher rank than you. Your age has no meaning compared to rank. So stop pulling 'I'm your big brother!' on me. It doesn't work.

... your imagination is an enigma not even I can understand... since when have I ever had a tattoo on my... butt?

Yylfordt... we don't have a cousin. We never have. And if we did, you probably consumed him too.

... your... brother...

Szayel


	9. Chapter 9

dear ulqiora,

wid u giv vem to aron... ar... uh... aronononiroro... aron... e... ro...

araronraniro. yea, i fink vats how its spelt...

wid u giv vem to... him... no one nows wat hapens wen araronraniro has a baf...

yami


	10. Chapter 10

Yammy,

The spelling is Aaroniero, you trash. I gave him the fish for I have no personal use for them, as I make sure to shower daily. Unlike you.

Ulquiorra Schiffer

Post Scripture:

Please pick up some perfume before your return to Hueco Mundo as it would be a benefit for all.


	11. Chapter 11

Szayel,

Way to start with the insults. And who cares if you are higher ranked than me? I'm still your big brother and as such I want you to be nice to me and show me around your awesome batchrler pad! You even have a bar. Does Gin visit you often? That would be like so cool!

Yeah, I said your tattoo is on your butt. I always knew you were perverted. Or is it somewhere else, worse?

I swear we had cosions and no, I never ate them... I don't think. Anyhow, can you just let me in?! I'm freezing out here in the dessert! Have mercy!

- Yyfordt

P.s. What is a eneigma?


	12. Chapter 12

Yylfordt,

No. You're not coming in. I threw you out that window for a reason.

...you're calling me perverted? I'm sorry... I'm not the one who's coming up with the idea that I am... incredibly interested with girls. No. I... just... no...

Szayelaporro


	13. Chapter 13

Dearest Lord Aizen,

My little brother Szayel is being a pain and won't let me come see his awesome new place! Order him to show me around! Oh please, oh please, oh please! Pretty please with yummy Hollows on top!

You don't know how much this rejection by my own kin has broken my large and caring heart!

Yyfordt

(Numero 15 and your most loyal servant who adores you!)


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Yylfordt,

I don't care.

Goodbye.

Your Lord,

Aizen


	15. Chapter 15

Aizen-Sama who is the most powerful of all of us,

Don't you have a heart?! My brother is being a jerk! Order him to show me around or I'm gonna poison your tea!

Or, even better, could I get a promotion?

Farewell,

Yyfordt Granz


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Yylfordt,

Please do not throw around empty threats. I know you would never contaminate my tea, for you fear the consequences of your actions.

...

The poison probably wouldn't kill me, anyway...

Your Lord,

Aizen


	17. Chapter 17

Szayel,

But why did you throw me out in the firts place?!

As for the girls, I would be in heaven. Or do you have a whole bunch-a hunky dudes hanging round?! Awesome! like in tight pants?! *Drool*

And why are you using your full first name?!

Yyfordt Grantz the Awesomely Sexy


	18. Chapter 18

Yylfordt,

... my goodness... I never thought you swung that way...

Szayelaporro Granz


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Aizen-Sama,

Then, if I can't poison you, I'll trip you on your way back from the shower and everyone will see your shiny butt. and then, I'll post it on facebook.

Yyfordt


	20. Chapter 20

Yylfordt,

... I hope you realise that I have a private shower and bathroom? Does this mean you're going to try and grab me as soon as I come out of the shower? Are you going to wait in my bathroom?

Your brother, Szayelaporro, says that you think he has his number '8' tattoo on his... backside?

What is with you and your obsession with butts?

Your Lord,

Aizen

P.S: Knowing you, you probably were planning to wait inside my bathroom, for the precise moment to... trip me.

P.P.S: Damn perverted arrancar.


	21. Chapter 21

Lord Aizen-chan,

No, I do not intend to stalk you. Because I installed a camera in your shower.

Yyfordt

P.s. Your Butt's gone Viral!

P.s.s Yea, that's what I said about my bro. Yea. I never made it past the second grade.


	22. Chapter 22

Yylfordt Granz,

... I do hope you realise what you've just done...

Your Lord,

Aizen

P.S: Damn immature arrancar


	23. Chapter 23

Aizen-chan,

Yep, I do and hey, go look at your computer screen! I put it as your background with a meme on it. Can't remember what said, but it's really funny.

- Yyfordt

P.s. Stupid leader who doesn't appreciate comedy.


	24. Chapter 24

Yylfordt...

I... You hacked into my computer and... put THAT as my background?

...

Let's see, the writing says...

...I feel faint...

Your Lord,

Aizen

P.S: Damn disturbing arrancar


	25. Chapter 25

Szayel,

Yeah, whatever. You're the one with pink hair and crazy theatrics, so what say do you have anyhow? Oh, or are you scared I'm gonna nab Nnoitra out from under you? He is rather dashing.

Mwahahaha!

Yyfordt

P.s. Did you see the picture of Aizen's butt?


	26. Chapter 26

Yylfordt,

WHAT. IS. THIS.

WHY IS THERE PICTURE OF AIZEN-SAMA'S BUTT ON ALL MY COMPUTER SCREENS!?

*twitch*

Szayelaporro Granz


	27. Chapter 27

Szayel,

I am not sure what happened to my computer screen. Help. I cannot remove the ugly picture that someone put on.

I cannot even bare to try and check my email without shame.

Thank you,

Grimmjow

P.s. What is that banging noise I've been hearing all night?


	28. Chapter 28

Aziee-Chan,

Yeah! :3

- Yyfordt

P.s. Hope you hit your head when you fainted, stupid leader who doesn't like my AWESOME meme.


	29. Chapter 29

Grimmjow,

Please put a leash on that idiot fraccion of yours. If he doesn't calm himself soon, he's probably going to give Aizen-sama a nervous breakdown, and I don't won't to see what he is capable of when aggravated.

Also, I believe Aizen-sama his headbutting the wall.

Szayelaporro Granz


	30. Chapter 30

Szayel,

Don't you like it?! Anyhow, you avoided my question about Nnoitra! Total Denial!

Have ya'll kissed?!

The magic and awesome dude you call your bro,

Yyfordt Granz


	31. Chapter 31

No Yylfordt.

Nnoitra. I'm going to throw out my opinion of that man.

He is obscene. His is too tall. He is very lacking in terms of intelligence. His is ugly. His smile is too big. His teeth look like some kind of piano. His sense of clothing is hideous. That spoon hood is ridiculous. His zanpakuto is ineffective, it's cutting edge is on the INSIDE of the ring-like blade. His zanpakuto is too big. His hollow hole being in his eye isn't really a turn on. He is barbaric. He has some odd hate for women (and doesn't have a valid explanation).

In case your tiny mind cannot comprehend all of what I just wrote, I hate Nnoitra.

Szayelaporro Granz


	32. Chapter 32

Szayel,

I tried but your brother blackmailed me with pictures of my own. (In the similar style of Aizen-sama's.) Not that I am ashamed, but really. Does all Hueco Mundo need to be scared by my own behind?

I will try and talk to him, but I cannot guarantee any results.

Grimmjow the Sixth Espada

P.S: No...now that I am looking out the window of my room, I think Yyfordt has taken to trying to ram into your palace. But the blockhead has the wrong dome. (Good thing you're so much smarter than him or I would be afraid of the intelligence of the Espadas.)

P.S.S: Wait, I think I hear Aizen-sama. I'll send over an ice pack.


	33. Chapter 33

Yyfordt,

Stop your stupid antics now and fix my computer!

Grimmjow the Sixth Espada


	34. Chapter 34

Szayel,

You LOOOUVVVVE HIM! 'Cause You HAAATTE HIM!

When is the wedding?

Tee-heeee,

Yyfordt


	35. Chapter 35

Grimm-Chan,

Like I care. You don't like your background? Deal with it or your butt is next!

Yylfordt


	36. Chapter 36

Szayel,

I tried.

Grimmjow


End file.
